The sound of silence

View from our verandah – Wellington Airport, Kilbirne, Evans Bay and Hataitai.

One thing that I’ve noticed over the last few weeks is the silence. Outside at night you can hear – nothing.

With virtually no cars on the roads and even fewer planes coming and going, the constant background city buzz has gone. To be replaced by silence, and at night, the call of our local Ruru.

 

Sentinel at the Gate

Bella loves to bark at people passing our front gate. She sits and waits to hear someone approaching – then when they are level with the gate she lets loose – barking, barking barking.

Every morning and evening people on the way to and from work give her a “target rich environment” but in lockdown it’s different.

Here she is siting patiently, waiting for someone to walk past on Wednesday evening. But no one came.

On a more serious note

I read this article on the CNN website and felt it summed up these extraordinary times very well.

Now I finally understand what my grandparents knew

Opinion by Allison Glock

Updated 2047 GMT (0447 HKT) March 28, 2020

“Allison Glock’s writing has appeared in The New York Times, The New Yorker, Esquire, ESPN, Rolling Stone, GQ and many other publications. She is the author of seven books, including the Whiting Award winning Beauty Before Comfort and is presently a senior staff writer for ESPN, a contributing editor for the southern lifestyle magazine Garden & Gun, and a writer and consulting producer for NBC’s The Blacklist. The views expressed in this commentary are her own. View more opinion on CNN.

(CNN)“In a dark time, the eye begins to see.” — Theodore Roethke

“I feel like there is nothing left to look forward to.” My 19-year-old daughter is sitting across the table from me, her eyes heavy with dread. She’s been struggling, like all of us, with the existential purgatory we find ourselves wading through. The not knowing of when this will end, or how, or what we as a culture, a country, a community will be when it does.

Along with her sister, who is 18, she’s moved back home from school, school that is now over in a practical sense for the foreseeable future.

My girls, like countless of the world’s children, have been wrenched from routines and friends, the architecture of their lives dismantled and replaced with a return to the orbit of parents who themselves can’t say what’s coming, our ability to comfort muted and undermined by the speeding train of the virus and the whirlwind of devastating news.

My kids read the papers, the breaking alerts that flash across their phones. They personally know people who are nurses and doctors in the most perilous wards. They know people who are sick. They feel the dismay in the air. Their suffering is not unique (nor does it compare to the horrors unfolding for so many), but it is the suffering in front of me, and so I do what I can to ease it, the only job that feels worth doing at the moment.

I tell my 19-year-old that I understand her feeling lost, empty. I remind her how lucky we are. To be together. To have dogs. To love each other. To be able to hug.

I tell her I’ve been thinking a lot about my grandparents. How when I was her age, I’d watch them play cards, do crosswords, dance together in their cramped living room, taking care not to topple the miniature, boxy television set that was only ever turned on for baseball games.

My family comes from Appalachia. My grandparents spent their lives in a tiny house in a tiny West Virginia factory town, walking the same sidewalks, sitting on the same porches, their parents only a few houses down. They cooked Sunday suppers, sang as they hand-washed the dishes, groused and gossiped and generally found contentment in the simplest of lives, one necessarily small because of poverty and lack of opportunity.

Small as it was, that life held beauty. And I realize now, that in my own life — winnowed and shrunk into a similar tight routine; taking walks, piecing together puzzles, teaching my girls how to make pie crust, to plant okra — along with that beauty lives profound meaning. My grandfather served in the war. So, too, did everyone he and my grandmother knew. They’d seen death and futility and heroism and loss. They knew what mattered.

We will need to find our purpose in the minor things, I tell my daughter. The moments. Moment by moment. We will need to become more like dogs, giddily hopping into the car when we have no idea where it’s heading. And in those long, vacant hours, free of clutter and busyness and traditional validation, we will have to learn how to sit with ourselves and discover the glory and meaning in that stillness. Or, at the very least, accept that tomorrow was never promised. In some ways it’s no different than it always was, I explain, we just have fewer distractions to hide behind.

“But for how long?” my daughter asks, fighting back tears.

“I don’t know.”

I tell her I’m sorry, that I love her. I ask if she wants me to make her a grilled cheese. She shakes her head, retreats upstairs to cry, maybe. Or smoke and blow the evidence out her bedroom window. To get away from me and my hastily assembled life lessons.

I understand. Am envious, even. I’d like to cry, smoke, ball myself into a knot of grief. Instead, I take a shower, make a coffee, put on lip gloss like it matters. By the time I emerge from the bathroom, my daughters are in the yard, lying on a blanket together, reading.

I watch them from the window, hip to hip, both prone on their stomachs, knees bent and feet circling in the air, like they did when they were still children. Which of course, they still are.

The sun shines bright on their skin. The birds chatter above. The buds bloom on the trees around them. As if to say, we can’t be contained.

So much music everywhere

Thank you gentle readers for the additions to the lockdown playlist. Happy lockdown day 9. And the extended playlist is:

Alone Again, Naturally – Gilbert O’Sullivan

The Chain – Fleetwood Mac

Need You Now – Lady Antebellum

Don’t Stand So Close To Me – The Police

It’s Oh So Quiet – Bjork

I Think We’re Alone Now – Tiffany

Staying Alive – Bee Gees

Is There Anybody Out There – Pink Floyd

 

 

A funny thing happened this morning

So it’s day 7 of the Covid-19 lockdown. Our medical community is braced for an influx of virus sufferers and I’m ensconced in the safety of my home. What could possibly go wrong?

Quite a bit it seems.

It only took 7 days but I’ve done it – produced a sequel to the “nail through the foot” incident of last year.  All it took was a blown lightbulb and a step ladder – well a kitchen step ladder to be honest.

Yes, another foot injury. This time it’s torn ligaments along the side of my left foot, swelling, pain and embarrassment – in equal measures.

I fell from the bottom step of the ladder and managed to sprain my foot to such an extent the doctor was impressed. “The bottom step? Really? The bottom step, are you sure?”, were his words while examining my swollen and rapidly blackening foot.

One x-ray later and I’m in a moon-boot with enough pain killers and steroids to treat a horse. Easy.

I’ll be spending the next week with my foot elevated, garnering as much sympathy and as many cups of tea as I can.

Top Tip: If you do something silly like this, now is an oddly good time to do it. When Jean called my doctor as I lay groaning on the ground she advised me to visit the after hours clinic (in Newtown for me) as they are “very quiet”. Apparently all the usual maladies that fill the clinic’s waiting room have mysteriously been cured. At 1pm I was the only person in the waiting room and when I had my x-ray I was the radiographers second customer – that day. 

Let there be music everywhere

Day two of the lockdown and it’s quiet out there – too quiet. Time for some music, and what could be better than a curated playlist to suit these odd times.

  • We Gotta Get Out Of This Place – The Animals

  • Dancing With Myself – Billy Idol

  • Jailhouse Rock – Elvis Presley of course

  • All By Myself – Eric Carmen

  • I’m In Chains – Tina Arena

  • The Walls Are Closing In/Hangman – The Pretty Reckless

 

  • I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel To Be Free – Nina Simone

 

  • Me & You Together Song – The 1975

  • Mad World – Tears for Fears

  • I will survive – Gloria Gaynor

  • All Revved Up And No Place To Go

 

And, of course, anything by Small Spaces. All suggestions for additional songs are welcome.